Sometimes when we realize that we were at fault for ruining a relationship, it is already too late. But, it’s not always that easy to move on. Especially, if you have understood your mistakes and still love your partner. I’ve been a victim of such situations myself. And here, I’m going to share some advice on how to fix a relationship you ruined to help you out.
Apologize for what you did and also allow your ex to express the pain your actions made them go through. Move ahead with a hand of friendship to help them slowly regain trust towards you. Have patience and be empathetic as your ex is processing your apology along with the bad memories in the relationship. Become a better version of yourself for them.
When you plan to re-enter somebody’s life, there are many things you must keep in knowledge and be respectful of. In this article, I will talk about some ways you can rebuild a relationship you ruined, some signs that can help you identify whether fixing what you broke is even possible, and provide some tips on how to maintain a relationship, so this doesn’t happen again.
Ways You Can Fix A Relationship You Ruined
If you are determined to try your level best and fix the relationship you ruined, then here are some ways you can do so.
Apologize and Take Responsibility
Accountability for your actions that led to a breakup is the warm-up you need before seeking forgiveness. You are not here to win them back only, but to also stand up and accept the blame without defense.
Take responsibility by starting with, “I am sorry for hurting you” instead of “I am sorry IF I have hurt you.” Even if your intentions are good, adding words like “if” in your apology can make you sound insincere. Your apology has to be and also sounds like you are sorry for hurting them, not because you are drowning in guilt.
The way you apologize and approach will say a lot about your intentions and sincerity. Also, remember to expect nothing in return. Your ex will now shuffle between the bad memories, the pain, and your apology. It is up to them to decide whether they give you a chance from then on.
Let Them Express How You Made Them Feel
As you apologize, then comes the stage where you must hear what you did that broke them and the relationship. You cannot defend yourself, not yet at least.
You have to let them express everything that hurts them from your actions. Listen to those complaints and be tolerant of whatever your ex is telling you.
Give Them Space
Right after re-entering your ex’s life as a friend or acquaintance, don’t think that you have free access in their lives. Always give your ex the space needed to analyze their true reaction to your comeback. Be empathetic and patient about it, and think more about your actions that caused this other than expecting forgiveness.
Don’t be overconfident about being forgiven just because you apologized. Your confidence might make your ex feel that you have some power over them. Keep in mind that perhaps after you two broke up, your ex was trying to move on. They need the space to decide whether you deserve to be back in their life and whether they can handle your presence.
As you become thoughtful and alert, your ex will understand that you have changed and are genuine in your apology. It will make it easier for them to become comfortable if they are willing to give you a second chance.
Have True Intentions
Even though you are trying to get back with your ex, do not start with this intention. Your first purpose is to make things right for them and right with them. Through their release of pain, you will find forgiveness. After that, if they have allowed you, approach them expressing you want them back, but only if you have done enough to build their trust.
Sometimes the ones you have hurt think that their pain will become invalid once they forgive you, as forgiveness makes them lose their right to hold you accountable. Even after you are forgiven, your job here is to always take responsibility for the pain you inflicted upon them. When you own up to your mistake, it reflects your good intentions.
Be Respectful If They Do Not Let You in at All
Be ready before even approaching your ex that you might not be welcomed. You might be forgiven, but maybe your ex still does not want to be in a relationship with you. Be respectful of that.
Accept their decision, their changed feelings, and trust. You already know their reasons behind it.
Signs That Your Broken Relationship Is Fixable
Breakups have a huge toll on some people. If you are the one who has hurt your ex, then consider the fact that they were probably trying to move on from you during the break. But some people still cannot get over their ex after a breakup, or even after a heartbreak. How to know whether you have a chance to fix things?
Does your ex still communicate with you, wish you on your birthdays, and follow you on socials even though you broke his or her heart? It might mean that they are not yet over you. If you are also willing to fix things, this might be a good chance.
Is your ex or separated spouse suggesting relationship or marriage counseling? This is a clear sign that they are also willing to make it work despite the shortcomings on your end.
Another sign is that your ex will also try to take some responsibility regarding what happened. Even if you were the one at fault, their empathy towards the situation shows their eagerness to make it work.
For example- Was your ex-partner or separated spouse a little distant or away for a while in the relationship? And did you take this as an excuse to cheat? See if they are empathizing while mentioning your fault and theirs as well for being distant in the affair. It is not to take the blame, but to share the blame with you. This is a sign they are willing to offer a second chance.
How To Maintain A Healthy Relationship?
The easiest answer to this will be for you to avoid everything that ruined your relationship in the first place. If by chance you get to patch up with your ex, consider this a blessing where you can avoid the actions that you did last time.
Do not forget about what you did even after you are forgiven. Instead, through its remembrance, try to make yourself a better person. Treat them the best way possible if you fear losing them.
Be mindful of everything you say. Even though that is not always possible and fights are normal in relationships. But at least be respectful of whatever you utter during arguments. It is always possible to bounce back as a couple if you stay within your limit even during fights.
It is always a good decision to try and fix something you had a hand in ruining, no matter what issue it is in life. Especially when it is a relationship. A relationship requires the hard work, love, and respect of two people, and if you contributed to ruining it, you must at least try to fix it.
I hope this article has helped in finding a way on how to fix a relationship you ruined. Being kind and being humble, these are the two things that can take you a long way.