Everyone has their own childhood trauma, and many even hold grudges against their parents for decades. But, holding on to those grudges for decades is not the answer. In fact, it can take a severe psychological toll on you and letting go of your past is the best action in this case. So, this begs people to ask, “how to forgive a parent who neglected you?”
For starters, express your feelings and put them into words. You can write a letter about your thoughts and struggles, or a list of the things you resent about your parents to remind you from time to time. Learn your own way to forgive them, whether by following a pattern of exercising or talking it out with someone.
However, is that all you need to know about moving on? As simple as it may sound, there is actually more to it! Letting go of all the misdeeds and neglect can be hard, which is why each person have to move on in their own unique way. So, without further ado, let us find out some ways you can forgive your parents for neglecting you.
5 Ways You Can Forgive Your Parents For Neglecting You
For those, who think it is unreasonable to forgive the unforgivable, perhaps the following five ways may help you find forgiveness within yourself:
1. Send Them A Letter
Writing helps you talk about things that you have trouble saying out loud. A letter about your feelings and expressing them in words might help your parents understand your trauma.
Just put your feelings into words and write your parents a letter. Write down everything you had to go through, talk about their mistakes and raise any accusations you can think of. Open your heart and let out everything you had on your mind.
When talking about the matter, change the statements from “you” to “I”, because this letter is not for them. It is for your own peace of mind, for you to release the painful emotions you have been carrying that no longer serve you.
2. Start Exercising
Emotions not only cloud our minds and hearts but also have an impact on our bodies. Our minds and bodies link to one another – when one suffers, the other gets affected as well. As long as these feelings will stay, your health will only worsen.
So, the best way to kick out these feelings is to exercise. It does not necessarily mean you have to join a gym and start working out. It can be any body movement.
For instance, you can go for sports like skiing, running, jumping, or swimming. It can be whatever you are into, whether it is dancing or riding a bicycle.
The point is the more you sweat and release the negative energy, the more you will be free from it. However, it can only work once you have decided to forgive your parents and hold no resentment.
3. Learn To Forgive On Your Own Will
Most of the time, people mistakenly take forgiveness as a feeling, whereas it is rather an act of will. Forgiving someone is not about the anger or pain you had to endure, but it is an offer of mercy upon that person.
Despite what they have done to you, you still find your heart forgiving them and wishing them the best without any harm.
Forgiving is a part of releasing those negative emotions of anger and bitterness and working our way towards peace.
It is okay if you are not yet ready to forgive your parents. Remember these feelings of resentment and anger are proof of their actions. So, take your time and you will soon find the will to forgive your parents.
4. Acknowledge And Accept Your Parent’s Mistake
Sometimes understanding why you are angry makes things easier for you to overcome them. So, all the things that bother you, write them down.
Make a list from the little detail to the hurtful things your parents made you go through. Keep this list for as long as you want, read it, and remind yourself. After that, have the list hung near an eye-catching place so that you can always read it.
It is a good way to dig up the old pain instead of burying them inside. You must grief and release the anger.
Once you are ready, burn the piece of paper and anything that may resemble those feelings that haunt you from time to time.
5. Get Help (Any Therapy)
It is no surprise that talking to someone or sharing your thoughts and feelings help resolve any issue. It doesn’t have to be a professional therapist, it can be close friends, a loved one, or simply someone you feel secure to share.
Sometimes talking to someone opens a door to your mind that can lead you to overcome your trauma. It feels like something heavy has taken off from your chest – that burden you have been carrying.
You must find it hard to love yourself because of how scummy your parents were towards raising you. When you find yourself forgiving them, you learn to love yourself. So, forgiving a parent is all about you, not them.
How To Let Go And Move On From Parental Neglect
Forgiving your parents may be opening the door to a new beginning, but moving forward by burying the past is another step.
Even though it may be hard to look at them the same way, they are still your parents regardless of what they have done. Hence, this may be a new kind of relationship for both of you.
The following steps are to unpack all the grudge and bitterness you were carrying towards your parents:
Think Positively Of Your Parents
Start by thinking whatever your parents have done could have been worse, so look at the bright side.
It is easier to forgive and overlook the flaws of someone if we assume good things about their actions. It is in our nature to think the worst of someone who has been wrong to us. Sometimes, taking things otherwise reflects on who we are and vice versa.
The next time you think of someone negatively, remember it goes both ways. So, try to overlook the mistakes of your parents and move on.
Take Matters Into Your Own Hand
It is pointless to blame your parents for the problems you are going through currently. They may have been the ones to start it, but it is time for you to decide. Whether you will let go or hold on to those feelings, the ball is now at your court.
You can hold your parents responsible for creating an unhealthy environment for you, but you are responsible for keeping it alive.
So, let it go and make room for more positivity in your life.
Look At Things From Their Perspective
Similar to how we have endured pain and joy from our parents, our parents have been in our shoes too.
Their parents probably were worse than your own parents were and better than their parents. So, it’s time for you to learn and grow from these mistakes, so you can set a better example for your children.
With that said, letting go is in no way an easy part of your life, and neither should you look at it that way. Learn to give it some time, as it can be a life-long process.
So, did you have the question, “How to forgive a parent who neglected you?” Well, we hope you learned how to move on and let go of the mentioned ways above. Lastly, we appreciate you stopping by, and have a great life!