Relationships are a safe haven for most people. When people get respect and affection, everything seems fine in the world. But sometimes you might feel sidelined and insulted by your significant other’s behavior. The realization is heartbreaking. But what then? How to react when someone treats you badly in a relationship?
The bridge between two people in a relationship is communication. Open, honest communication keeps the bond between two people surviving. When you put it simply, if you can let the other person know how they’re hurting you, it can make things easier. But to answer how you should react needs a lot of explanation.
A lot of things factor in when you consider how someone acts in a relationship. At what stage of trust and faith are you two? Can you communicate and be honest? How do they behave with you when they aren’t feeling their best? With a lot of introspection and questioning, the answer may become clear to you.
Everybody has their own definition of bad treatment. After somebody’s personal limit is crossed, they start feeling detached from the relationship. But for most people, the point where they start feeling like an outsider in their own relationship is when they realize it. So, what do YOU feel like?
To figure out if your intuition is correct, you’ll need to ask yourself some questions. By these, and observing your partner or the person you’re thinking about, you’ll find the right direction.
- What part of the issue hurt me the most?
- Have I mentioned this to the other person before it escalated?
- How do they behave with me when we’re on good terms?
- Do I always tell them what I need, and do they do the same?
- Is this a pattern of behavior?
- Can I tell them that it hurt me, and will they understand?
- How do they reciprocate my efforts in the relationship?
These questions are based on a broad range of things that might make you feel like they treated you in a bad way. But considering that it’s a continuous thing, you should ask these questions to yourself to get to the main matter. And then, you can decide what you want to do after.
Let’s consider that you’ve already asked yourself the questions. If you feel like most of these give negative answers, then it might be time for a change. You should consider your options in approaching the matter. But, it’s important to be careful about it. Thus, you can address the problem without getting derailed.
Validate Your Feelings
Before you go in there with your feathers up, understand how they’re hurting you. You should remember that if it hurt you, no one gets to say that it wasn’t hurtful. Your feelings are valid. Be assertive with how you feel and understand why you feel like that.
Additionally, check up on your boundaries. Have they gone past the boundaries you set? Have you let them do that on purpose? Make a note of how they may have done something out of bounds.
Don’t Assume It’s a Reaction to Something You’ve Done
For insecure people, it’s easier to assume that you must have done something wrong for them to act like that. And as people who share important emotional connections, they should never be ‘punishing’ you for something, anyway.
As adults in a relationship, communication is the field where everything bad can be made good. If they haven’t communicated well with you, it doesn’t warrant bad treatment from them. Don’t let your self-esteem drop because of someone else’s miscommunication and ill behavior patterns.
Try to Understand Where the Treatment is Coming From
The person who is treating you badly is just as human as any of us. While it is true that they have some reason behind their treatment, it’s also notable that that shouldn’t mean they react badly to others. Still, you should consider why they act the way they do. This way, you can approach the problem with empathy and in an objective way.
People often end up making bad situations worse by not considering the feelings of everyone involved. So, communication is a big thing here too. Ask the other person if something has been on their mind lately. By understanding them better, you can fix the problem easier.
Address the Problem Objectively
Bring up the issue with your partner. Before you tell them how you felt, tell them what they did to hurt you. There are some ways to approach this that can make sure you don’t miss the point completely.
Keep a few pointers in mind when you tell them what went wrong. First and foremost, calm yourself. And then start.
- Stay in a calm and collected stance. If they start getting emotionally charged, keep your cool.
- Tell them exactly what they did and the effect it had on you. Don’t miss details.
- Avoid using an accusatory tone. If they’re an understanding person, they will catch their issues when you mention them without accusation.
- Avoid saying things like, “You never do….” or “You always…”. This can minimize the problem at hand and make you seem too emotional to know what’s right.
- Ask them if they understand where you’re coming from. Make your intention to save the relationship clear.
- Ask them how they plan to change their behavior or fix the way they treated you.
These steps will only work if your partner is willing to work to fix things. If that’s not the case, you may need to rethink your options. Again, you should remember to put yourself first in emotional situations like these.
When you take your steps and get your point across, how do they react? The way they respond to your communication will tell you more than anything else can. If their response doesn’t seem promising, it might be time to consider letting go.
Every relationship takes effort. We’ve learned since our childhoods that good things take time and hard work. When it comes to relationships, it’s no different. But how much should you put your heart on the line?
Firstly, the person who listens to your issue and tries their best to understand how they have hurt you will try to fix things too. If it seems from the get-go that they aren’t valuing the communication, their heart is already out of it. You should be a priority to them. Finally, observe if they really put the effort in to fix things after agreeing to do so.
Even this all may seem foreign to you if you are being abused. Yes, it may sound sad and scary. But if your partner has consistently treated you badly by their words, actions, and behavior, it may be abuse. Abuse is not only physical. It can be mental or even emotional. If you can’t even consider approaching them about their issues, they might be abusing you in some way.
The way to stop the bad treatment from ever happening again is to understand yourself. Value yourself and comprehend that you are not worthy of being treated like this over and over again. If your communication attempts give no result, pack your things and focus on yourself.
In case of abuse, do a lot of research. Remember that your feelings are valid. The way they behave with you is more of an indication of their problems than your own. Seek out resources that can help you, and tell your closest people about it. If your abuser is preventing you from letting them go, tell as many trusted people as you can about it. Help is never out of reach.
The most important thing to understand is that you should never give yourself away. You have your needs and wishes. And they are just as important as theirs.
The way to react when someone treats you badly in a relationship is never simple. It requires a lot of patience, understanding, and willingness. With time and support, you can make your way out of the situation.
Always remember, the way you feel is valid. And even if it feels painful right now, it will eventually get better.