My Ex Is with Someone Else but Still Contacts Me (What She Wants)

Cutting off contact with your ex is expected when you break up. But some people do not seem to stop the communication even when they move on with someone new. Is your ex-girlfriend doing this with you? Are you wondering “Why my ex is with someone else but still contacts me?” 

Plenty of reasons include the first obvious one- she misses you. She perhaps wants to know how you are. The fear of getting detached from your life could also make her contact you. She might even be guilty or, you are just a time pass when her new partner gets busy or when they fight. 

Here in this article, I’m going to provide you with some probable reasons that may explain her behavior. And at the end, I’m going to give you a little advice that definitely worked for me when I had to deal with women like this.

Reasons Your Ex-Girlfriend is Contacting While with Someone

There are several reasons why your ex-girlfriend might be contacting you. Some of them have motives of gaining something in return. But your ex-girlfriend might even have no intention at all other than the contact. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons.

She Misses You

A new relationship does not always mean that your ex is completely over you. New beginnings take time to settle. During the adjustments, it is natural that she misses you and recalls the good memories. When it gets too much to bear, she contacts you to hear your voice. 

Missing one’s ex is a common issue after breakups. Especially if the relationship was too good throughout the time together. If her boyfriend hurts her and fights with her often, she will miss you, even more, recalling how well you used to treat her.

She Wants to Know How You Are

Not everything has a negative motive. If the time you two spent together contains many good memories, she might continue communication, even during a new relationship.

This affection towards you might be the outcome of the bonding you two had or because she is very caring. Even if she is completely over you, she can still want to know how you are.

She Still Wants to Remain a Part of Your Life

If she is not yet over you, staying out of touch will keep her anxious. She contacts to know how your days are going, to feel like nothing has changed. The desire to know everything about your life even after breaking up comes from obsession and fear of slowly fading away from your life.

Even if she is over you, wanting to be friends is not uncommon. Some girls want to know whether you are taking care of yourself, or she knows you too well and wants to be there for you. Thus, she contacts you to check up on you and stay updated. 

She Prefers to Share with You

Some relationships are built through friendship even before the romance comes on. For that, many people drifting apart may end it mutually and happily. This is likely to make your ex-girlfriend come back for comfort or to share personal issues with you. 

She can share her matters with her current boyfriend, but if you two had a great understanding, she may still seek your advice. Chances are, she will even share with you everything she and her boyfriend argue or fight about.

Wants to Know if You Are Over Her

When someone gets dumped, it is obvious they feel broken and scared of being forgotten. Even with someone new in her life, she will keep contacting to find out if you have completely moved on from her or not. 

Moving on does not have to involve someone new. Maybe you are no longer interested. The thought of you forgetting her makes her eager to contact.

Wants to Find Out if You Have Found Someone New

Even though she moved on, some girls can get jealous if you do it. If the breakup was your fault, and she was someone too good to be true in your life, you’re finding someone new is shocking news for her. 

Thus, she contacts to find out whether you have someone new either out of jealousy or even the disbelief of you ever moving on from her. 

Her Current Boyfriend is Always Busy

Many people go into a new relationship in haste. Some even do it as a rebound. So, if your ex-girlfriend did that and her current man stays busy too much, maybe she took this chance to contact you because of her remaining feelings.

She might even contact you out of boredom, which does not need to have any explicit intention. With her boyfriend busy, spending time with you helps her pass it better. 

Her Current Boyfriend Does Not Treat Her Like You

If you used to treat her well and her boyfriend does not, then she will contact you. If the relationship is very new, the both of them are still taking time to adjust. Any argument during these adjustments will make her miss the common ground you two had built over the time together. 

The fights in her relationship take her back to the good days you two had. She uses this excuse to keep in touch and possibly gain your sympathy.

She Wants to Make You Jealous

Girls are great at making men jealous. But this only works if breaking up with her has been hard on you, and you miss her. In that case, she will contact you to inform you about her great relationship, about how well her boyfriend treats her, and that she loves him. Her intention here is to make you regret losing her. 

With or without the intention to get back with you, if you were the one who screwed up, making you jealous makes her feel powerful and worthy. It is an act of soft revenge. 

She Feels Guilty

Did she break your heart? Well, then she contacts you to make sure you don’t resent her. Guilt can emerge from the regret of hurting you. Through your replies to her, she tries to find out whether you are hostile or normal.

Even if she did not break your heart and you two split mutually, she might be guilty of moving on before you. The guilt of leaving you alone to recover from the breakup makes her concerned, and so she contacts out of remorse. 

Wants to Have the Best of Both Worlds

It is uncommon but can also be one of the reasons. She does not want to let go of you, neither wants the new relationship to break. She wants to feel the thrill of both her ex and her boyfriend.

If you are giving her the attention when she calls, then you’ve let her win. She is in a new relationship and enjoying the communication with you, while her current boyfriend is good to her can never have a good motive.

What to Do When She Contacts?

This answer depends on what you make out to be your ex-girlfriend’s intention. If she does not intend to hurt you, gain anything from you, but just contacts you to know how you are, then it is harmless. If you are uncomfortable even with that, talk to her and ask her not to contact you anymore.

If you find out that her intentions are not genuine, and she perhaps has a motive, then ignoring her will be easy. Blocking her will be even better!  


So, these are the reasons why your ex is with someone else but still contacts you. As you can see the motives are quite varied and they can be something from feeling guilty or just being used to talking to you to being intentionally harmful to you. All in all, it is best to move away from people you used to love. For your sake and for theirs as well.

Thanks for reading and hope you figure out how to come out of such a difficult phase of your life.

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