My Girlfriend is Talking to Her Ex Behind My Back (What to Do?)

If your intuitions are telling you, “My girlfriend is talking to her ex behind my back”, then there is a good chance that you are right about it. It’s wrong to talk to exes in general. And, talking to them while being in a relationship, will always look suspicious no matter what. Hence, don’t dismiss your feelings, and keep reading to know what steps you should take to confront her.

It’s natural to feel anxious about your partner’s relationship with their previous lover. Before you start accusing her, you must have proper evidence to support your arguments. Only after being sure, you should confront her calmly, and tell her how she has made you feel with her behavior. Then, depending on how she reacts, take a decision that suits best for both of you.

Not all breakups are clean, and not everyone will take time before jumping into another relationship. Some people tend to hold on to their past relationships due to their clingy nature or jump into a new one just to forget their previous relationship. And in these cases, getting in touch with their ex is a common outcome. So, if you think your partner is doing the same then keep reading to find out what you can do about it.

What to Do When Your Girlfriend Is Talking To Her Ex?

I won’t be surprised if you tell me right now that you are heartbroken over this issue. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and there is no reason for you to hide this from anyone. Remember, you did nothing wrong, and as this is a sensitive topic, you have to take steps logically and carefully. If not, things might get weird between you and your girlfriend.

– Gather More Information with an Unbiased Eye

The thing is, just because she is talking to her ex, doesn’t necessarily mean something going on between them. They can just be good friends, and were talking about mutual issues. So, unless you are absolutely sure that she’s been hiding things from you, an argument regarding this should be avoided.

Hence, know the story properly before you start questioning her. Figure out whether she is hiding texts or calls from you. Does she leave the room to answer calls, or go out to meet friends that you don’t know of? These are all red flags, and should be taken seriously. After you are completely sure that your girlfriend has been sneaking around, you can talk to her about it.

– Confront Her Calmly

Sit down with your girlfriend, and bring up your cause of concern. Avoid being rude and passive-aggressive towards her. Calmly state that, you dislike the idea of her ex still being present in her life. Give her logical reasonings, and tell her the things you have been noticing. Make her understand these things aren’t fair to you.

Remember to listen to her side of the story as well, because it’s important to let her speak. If you think her reasoning are illogical, try to make her understand your point of view again. So, this step is basically a constructive argument, where both of you have to be respectful towards each other and resolve this issue mutually.

– Let Her Know How Her Behavior Made You Feel

Whether your girlfriend has accepted her mistakes after a constructive argument, both of you must talk about how you feel. Practice a healthy way of communicating rather than overwhelming each other with different sets of opinions. You should tell her that you’ve felt betrayed when she was talking to her ex.

Later in the day, you can also talk about how you feel about her, and how you don’t want to lose her. Make her comfortable around you for her to speak her mind. Only in this way, you would understand her true intentions with you and your relationship. Ask her some specific questions to understand how she feels about her ex, and that would be your clue for the next step.

– Observe How She Reacts

Observing your girlfriend’s initial reaction is very important. Pay close attention to how she answers your questions and if she denies your accusations. If she realizes her mistakes, she would say sorry and assure you that this type of behavior would not happen again. It’s very easy to identify when someone is guilty of their actions.

However, if you see, your girlfriend is defending her ex and herself in the argument rather than accepting she was wrong, then I think you know what to do next. Clearly, her ex is more important to her than you. During this time, please still try to remain calm, and avoid arguments at all cost. Do not give any kind of ultimatum when you are angry or upset.

– Take a Decision

If your girlfriend has apologized, and you are ready to forgive her, by all means, do it. But if you are not ready to forgive her yet, and need time, then again, you have the right to do that too. It often helps when you have an open discussion with your partner about what is bothering you and what needs to be done to fix it.

Now, if your girlfriend hasn’t apologized, and took her ex’s side, then I think it’s better for you to break things off with her. I know it’s a difficult pill to swallow, but there is no other option, unless you want to be her second choice. It will hurt at first, but you have to realize that it’s best for both of you. 

5 Signs Your Girlfriend is Not Over Her Ex

My Girlfriend is Talking to Her Ex Behind My Back

To be fair, you can’t just look for signs when it comes to what someone feels about a person. Some people are very expressive, and some are not. Despite the fact, there are always some subtle indications towards whether your girlfriend is still in love with her ex or not. Read the list below to identify them!

She Doesn’t Reciprocate Your Feelings

If your girlfriend talks to her ex, and is not very romantic with you, then it is a warning sign. If you see her having more fun with him, and not you, then you can assume she is still into him. You’d also notice that she is not affectionate towards you at all.

She Compares You with Her Ex

Again, if your girlfriend is comparing you with her ex, then it is safe to say her ex is always on her mind. The comparison can be both good or bad.

For example, “you treat me well than my ex” or “my ex and I had a stronger bond than what I have with you”; both are problematic.

She Still Keeps Their Gifts

if she holds onto her ex’s gifts, it won’t necessarily mean she still loves him. But if you have told her that this makes you uncomfortable, and she still refuses to throw them away, then you have the right to question her love for you.

She Doesn’t Create Boundaries

In any relationship, it’s important to create boundaries. If your girlfriend and her ex are on good terms, that does not mean they can do whatever they want. She has to remember that you are her boyfriend and create a healthy boundary with her ex.

She Keeps Contacting Them

Again, even after telling her that you do not like when she contacts her ex, and yet she still continues to do so; then she loves him.

She can’t get him out of her head, and this will eventually create many arguments between you two for sure.


In most cases, nothing good comes out of a situation where an ex is involved. So, exes should be kept in the past only. Logical communication can save a lot of relationships, always try to remember that.

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