Why Cannot I Sleep Without My Boyfriend? – Working Solution

Some people can nod off easily anywhere in any given situation while others struggle. If you belong to the latter group, and wondering “Why can’t I sleep without my boyfriend?” then this article shall help you out.

Getting too habituated to a partner’s presence often messes up with sleep patterns. Also, extreme fear of darkness and falling asleep alone force people to stay awake. However, counseling and natural therapies are two of the ways out from this problem.

Not all solutions will work on all sorts of people. Because reasons for staying awake vary from person to person.  This article contains some very useful information on how you can shed this dependency on your boyfriend and have a good night’s sleep all by yourself.

Reasons You Might Not Be Able to Sleep Without Your Boyfriend

Not being able to sleep at night without your partner can be caused by psychological issues and even just plain old habits. 

You should try to contemplate your behavioral patterns during bedtime or nighttime when nobody’s around. And you might understand what exactly is not letting you fall asleep without your partner. Here are few probable reasons that might help you understand why you cannot sleep alone:


It is feasible that sometimes your phobia(s) is the culprit that holds you back from sleeping alone. Certain phobias cause extreme fear even at the thought of falling asleep alone. And the presence of someone during bedtime can mitigate the chance of facing such an issue. Therefore, you need your boyfriend’s presence to get a good night’s sleep.

You might be suffering from somniphobia (the fear of falling asleep) if it seems really dreadful to fall asleep without your boyfriend. To realize whether you have somniphobia or not, you should observe some of your patterns. You might have this phobia if you always force yourself to stay awake instead of sleeping alone. 

Because of somniphobia you will fear that after falling asleep you will never wake up again. And there will be no one to help you through your sleep paralysis or sleep apnea (shortage of breath during sleep). These might be the reasons you stay beside your boyfriend because you know that he can help you through the issues.

Nyctophobia, in other words, the extreme fear of darkness or night might be one of the reasons you struggle to sleep alone. You will constantly feel that the night leads you towards nowhere but uncertainty. And because of this extreme fear, you might have conditioned your mind that sleeping next to your boyfriend is the only probable solution to get rid of the phobia. 


PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can mess up your sleeping pattern. You might have experienced a traumatic event or loss of a family member which can lead you to suffer from PTSD. This mental health condition does not let you fall asleep on your own without needing anyone else’s presence. 

Because of PTSD, you will often get nightmares. And your own thoughts will haunt you down until you are not in someone else’s presence. The anxiety and restless thoughts keep you awake even if you are tired after a long day.

For people with PTSD, face-to-face support or interaction from others is really necessary to cope up with sleep issues. Therefore, when you find your boyfriend beside you during bedtime you feel at ease. And his presence helps you to stop replaying traumatic past events in your mind again and again. As your mind feels relaxed, you tend to sleep properly. 


If you have become used to falling asleep comfortably beside your partner, it will not be easy to fall asleep when he is away. Because it is often difficult to come out of a habit all of a sudden.

Once you start sharing a comfortable bond with him you tend to let your guard down. And this helps to fall asleep faster and comfortably beside him. Gradually it turns out to be a habit and you find it difficult to fathom the idea of falling asleep and waking up without him next to you. 

If you realize that sleeping next to him does not amplify your anxiety, your mind will seek for his presence for a good night’s sleep. As his presence lowers your stress hormones you grow habituated to him. And your sleep patterns tend to revolve around him.

How to Fall Asleep When Your Boyfriend is Away?

From sleep therapy to using ASMR videos, there are plenty of methods to relax your mind for sleeping. These actually help a lot of people. And if worst comes to worst, you can always talk to a professional. 

We all at times tend to stay away from homes and loved ones to take care of other responsibilities. So, it will be naive to wish for your boyfriend to be with you every day. At times you need to wrap your head around the fact that you need to try to build up the habit of sleeping alone sometimes. Here are some working solutions that might work for you

Natural Sleep Therapy

If you do not want to put yourself under any medication in order to fall asleep alone, you should consider taking natural sleep therapy. Drinking herbal tea before bedtime is one of the working solutions to this problem.

Try taking herbal chamomile tea to reduce any sort of anxiety. Only a 400 mg chamomile extract is more than enough to help you fall asleep faster. Because it reduces anxiety and fear. An alternative to chamomile is passionflower tea. 

If you feel restless to sleep alone, you should consider drinking lavender tea. Its soothing scent and calming properties can settle your nerves. It can relax your mind. If you have an extreme fear of darkness and falling asleep alone then this might help you calm down before you sleep.

Herbal teas have been used for centuries to treat psychological problems that affect your sleeping schedule. These teas do not contain ginseng, therefore it will not increase your blood pressure. So, you can drink these at bedtime without worrying much. 

Weighted Blanket

Over the past couple of years, weighted blankets are quite known to reduce anxiety and PTSD issues. It is made of thick fabric but if you buy one that is 10 percent of your body weight, it will not feel too heavy.

This might work for you better if you are too habituated to your partner’s presence for falling asleep. Its deep pressure and touch stimulation will make you feel relaxed and calm. You should try using it when you are alone and trying to fall asleep without any hassle. 

ASMR Videos

Nowadays, ASMR videos are getting quite known to help you feel relaxed and stable. Some of the ASMR videos can improve your sleep if you experience ASMR triggers, in other words, tingling sensation from certain sounds.

If you are not used to sleeping alone, put your headphones on and watch or listen to some whispering videos. Sometimes soft whispering works well to make you fall asleep comfortably. If you are a nature-oriented soul, watch some of the ASMR videos that play the sound of rain. For some people falling asleep to the sound of rain is relaxing. 

There are several sleep ASMR contents available on the internet. You only need to decide which one brings you a more comfortable sleep.

Consulting Experts

Consulting a counselor and a sleep consultant is one of the ways out to this problem you face while sleeping alone. You should really consult experts to help you get your sleep patterns back on track while your partner is away.

You might smirk at the thought of visiting a sleep consultant. But a sleep consultant is a thing. If you do not suffer from any psychological issues, you should consult a sleep consultant. They will study your behavioral patterns or lifestyle. They will also find out the sleep mistakes you make while you are alone. After that, they will come up with a personalized plan to improve your sleep patterns

You should consult a counselor to properly understand whether it is your mental health that is holding you back from falling asleep alone or not. And if it is your psychological condition, then following proper medication under a counselor will help you to fix your sleeping issues. 


Now every time the question “Why can’t I sleep without my boyfriend?” pops up in your mind, you should know that the answers are not always about the comfortable bond you two share. Sometimes it is your psychological conditions that are messing up with your sleep patterns. And you need to try to fix them.

Thank you for reading the article. I wish you all the best in life and hope that you can get some peaceful sleep on your own.