We all go through the phase when we have to constantly put up with someone’s complaints. Whether it’s relevant, logical or not. But what makes it even harder is we do not know how to tell someone to stop complaining.
If you want to know how to tell someone to stop complaining, you first need to know what the reasons behind their complaints are. Once you understand their part, try to offer them your help. Together, look for the solutions and set a goal to achieve it.
If you are always around someone who constantly keeps complaining, and you can’t tolerate it any longer, this article is just for you. Read the whole article to have a clear guide on how to tell someone to stop complaining.
Understand Why People Complain
Before you just go to someone and ask them to never complain again, you need to know what triggers someone to constantly complain. There could be things about everything that really bother them all the time. Or it could be completely a psychological problem that needs to be fixed.
Now, one of the most common reasons why people complain so much is because of having less than their desire. Not having anything as much as you should, triggers the distress in you. Which eventually leads to complaining. The biggest factor in this matter is dissatisfaction. When people are not satisfied with the resources they’ve been provided with, they complain.
You cannot change someone’s life overnight, give them everything they want and expect them to stop complaining. Because it is simply impossible. People who have been spending their whole lives or at least a very significant amount, without meeting their emotional, physical, material or psychological needs, are most prone to complain. Their dissatisfaction turns into frustration.
Then there are other people, who complain because they aren’t happy with whatever they have. They need more and more because it makes them feel safer. For instance, if someone has a lot of money and is still complaining about it, it means that person is overly scared of losing their money. If your partner complains a lot about the relationship between you two, it means they are not happy with the love you are already sharing with them.
The latter ones are more difficult to handle. Because they have all the things they need or want, and are still not happy with it. Chances are they will never find anything enough for them, but with proper care, counseling and therapy, it can be cured. And while you bear with their complaints on a daily basis, you need to know that you are doing more than enough.
05 Ways to Deal with Complainers
With proper care, love, counseling and a lot of talking, you can easily deal with a chronic complainer. All they need is just more care which they have been away from.
Once you understand what makes them complain so much, you can move on to dealing with it. Here are 10 ways you can tell someone to stop complaining, or deal with their complaints in a healthy manner.
1. Listen To Them
One of the biggest reasons why people turn into a constant complainer is because they feel like no one is listening to them. There’s a big difference between hearing someone talk and listening to someone talk. While we all hear what complainers are saying, we never truly listen to their complaints.
Listen to every word they say, what they are complaining about. Try to listen to their tone when they’re complaining. You might actually find something meaningful in there and that could lead you to solutions directly.
When you listen to them, you are also showing your humbleness towards them. It will give them a sense of security and understand-ability in a snap.
2. Understand Their Grief
Only listening to them won’t make them stop complaining. You have to understand the grief behind their complaints. Try to notice their eyes, lips and voice tone when they are complaining. Sometimes they might even shatter by sadness.
When they talk, just keep nodding your head. Don’t try to look for logic here. A person complains only because he or she is feeling less given. So no matter how much you think you are trying to live up to their expectations, it will always be less.
Try to keep silent while they complain. If you truly want to understand what goes inside their mind emotionally, you need to quietly observe them while complaining. You have to feel it inside you in order to help them.
3. Change Your Perspective
Re-frame the situation by changing your perspective. You might think that you have nothing to do with them complaining constantly. But it might not always be the case. Your actions could also lead them to this situation.
Try to put yourself in the complainer’s situation. See if you feel different about it. Notice every little detail of what could make them dissatisfied. Relate the problems with yourself now, think of what you’d do if you were to help yourself. Then try to implement those in the complaint’s situation.
If you find something in your actions that actually led them to this problem, you need to admit it in front of them. And you need to make them believe that you would actually work on yourself and try to be more cooperative.
4. Explain Your Part
This is the time for you to open up, and for them to listen. Once you have understood their part completely, and listened to them, it’s now your chance to express yourself.
Tell them everything that has been bothering you about their constant complaints. Let them know how you feel discouraged or ignored whenever they complain about something that you’ve put your heart into. It should let them know that you are trying your best.
Do not get overwhelmed by emotions and say something that will hurt them instead. Such as, “I did this and this, and you’re still not happy, there are something must’ve been wrong with you”. Instead, let them know that you completely understand their part, and you are open to help them, while emphasizing on them to understand you too.
5. Look For Solutions
When you are done talking to each other and have figured out what the actual problem is, it’s time for both of you to look for solutions. Not individually, but as a team. The complainer might be unwilling to accept their concerns as a ‘concern’. You need to be more patient here and make them realize.
Most of the time, complainers know exactly what they need, hence the complaints. It’s best to talk to them and take their suggestions on how they would like to experience the situation. Instead of talking to a third person and getting them involved, try to reach out to the complainer. Know what they want. Make a pact between you two.
In situations worse than this, get the help of a professional. Get your partner or the one who complains to a psychologist. With proper counseling, it’ll be easier to fix the problem.
There is nothing worse than ignorance. If you ignore the complainers, you are doing worse to yourself than them. Thus, always try to understand and listen to what they’ve been trying to tell you.
If you have read this far, you have already got a clear vision on how to tell someone to stop complaining. It’s time to implement them slowly.