We often listen to react, instead of taking it all in and finding a solution. How do you shift your focus from arguing to reaching a solution?
How to shift your focus from arguing to reaching a solution?
By taking yourself out of the argument completely, realizing that you don’t have to react to everything you hear, even if they are being said to provoke a reaction from you. It takes two to argue, and if you ask and listen instead of reacting, the energy of the conversation will soon shift.
Communication is key
And by communication, we mean proper communication, when you actually listen to what the other person says. It’s so easy to become angry when we don’t get the same in return from the other person. Reaction is often involuntary and instant, an affect of what’s being said. But if you take your emotions out of the equation and begin to communicate, everything changes.
If someone tells you that they lost their job and you snap at them, telling them that it was all their fault, they will close up and fight back, defending themselves. But if you take a moment to calm down and ask what happened, being sympathetic to their problems instead of finding a fault in them straight away, they will probably open up.
But even if they say that they don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. You need to be okay with that, even if that particular thing concerns you as well. Sometimes people need a little time or you need to ask the right question to get them going.
The key here is not to listen to react, but to listen to understand.
Listen to the whole story
Instead of jumping to a conclusion and starting an argument after the first sentence, give the other person a chance to express themselves fully. You might not have all the facts yet, and trust us, if you react harshly, you might never get them. Sure, if an argument is what you are after, then by all means, go ahead. But if you want to find a solution to the problem, then listening is as much a key factor as talking and asking the questions.
By listening to the whole story, you are showing the other person that you care about what they have to say. You never know when they will return the favour.
Most of the arguments happen because we either react to something harshly without knowing all the facts and letting our emotions control us, or because we judge what’s being said, even if we don’t have a right to do so.
Just imagine when you do something that other people disagree with and they don’t listen to your reasons. Wouldn’t a bit of compassion be nice? All you can do is offer other people what you would like to receive yourself.
It’s also so easy to judge and start an argument, when we haven’t been in a similar situation ourselves. We are quick to give advice on how not to get a divorce, or how to raise a child, when we never even had a proper relationship ourselves.
Realizing that judging others isn’t our duty takes a lot of pressure off of us. The same way as knowing that we don’t have to react to things, just because they are being said is another relief. Actually listening and taking the other person’s reasons and feelings into consideration can save us a lot of trouble.
And what’s more, the less we argue, the more in tune we will be with the Universe. Arguments carry a negative energy, one that isn’t supposed to be ours. It’s dark and ugly and brings us down. But following these easy steps you can shift your focus towards the right path.