There is a major difference between an extrovert and an introvert’s talking habits. While extroverts are happy to mingle and be in the spotlight, introverts are a bit different. Okay, make that a lot.
By definition, an introvert prefers their own company to others. They aren’t antisocial, they are simply set in their own ways, and the activities they prefer would probably bore most extroverts. More often than not they are fine experiencing things on their own.
In short, introverts would rather talk to themselves than others, keeping their secrets well guarded. This comes partly from the fact that they appreciate privacy, and also because they would rather write their problems down in their diary than discuss it with anyone else.
Some introverts feel embarrassed opening up, while others prefer to share their issues with professionals or strangers, without the fear of being judged. They often feel that their emotions are so strong and unique that nobody would understand them. They also hate repeating themselves, so they more often than not don’t see the point in confiding in others.
On the other hand, though, introverts are excellent listeners. Where they don’t like to share their own story, they don’t mind lending a listening ear. Of course, they might keep their advice to themselves, too.
Do Introverts Like To Talk About Themselves?
Introverts don’t like talking about themselves, partly because they are private people. They feel like their experiences are their own, and theirs alone and shouldn’t be shared. Some of them feel like if they share it with one person, it’s almost the same as broadcasting it to the whole world. And they don’t want that.
As mentioned earlier, introverts would rather keep their secrets, desires, hurt, and pain inside, occasionally writing it down (but even then, introverts will make sure the diary is under lock and key at all times, away from prying eyes).
As much as introverts don’t like talking about themselves, they don’t live on a private island (sadly, despite their deepest wishes), so there are times when social interaction can’t be avoided. When it comes to family gatherings and social events, an introvert will most likely divert any personal questions, or give a simple, maximum five-word sentence as an answer, shooting back a few questions of their own.
The thing about introverts is that they are well-prepared for scenarios like this. Some of them even write up a list of questions beforehand. This might sound weird at first, but if we think about it, introverts don’t like crowds, so talking in front of them (even if that only involves a few people at a time) can be challenging.
Some introverts do roleplaying exercises before such meetings, so they can be better prepared for side-questions. They hardly like being thrown off-guard, and the situation is uncomfortable as it is.
All in all, when talking to an introvert, try talking about something they love (a hobby, music, or a book), rather than themselves. If the questions are subtle enough, even an introvert will open up about their passions. It might take some time, but it’s worth the effort, because most introverts are experts at what they do, having lots of insider knowledge (they spend more time honing their craft than surfing Facebook, after all).
Are Introverts Self-Aware?
Contrary to common belief, most introverts are self-aware. They know their limits, their merits, and their circumstances, they just don’t like to talk about them. However, they hate to be distracted from their goals, and they can get obsessive about what they need to do, making them a target.
Because they are already reluctant to open up, their inclusive habits can make them seem offish and uncaring, but the contrary is true. They care about others. They just don’t feel the need to know everything about them and to tell them everything about themselves.
Introverts have a well-developed sense of identity. They know who they are, who they want to be, and what they need to do to get there. While extroverts mostly focus on the steps they take, introverts will look at the bigger picture.
Introverts also have a deeper understanding of their own selves, partly because they spend quite a lot of time meditating and finding out what exactly it is they like. This could manifest in the form of a hobby, a new favorite book, or a new place to visit for a walk. All in all, self-awareness and self-love are really important to introverts.
Do Introverts Like To Talk In General?
Introverts prefer less face-to-face methods than talking in person. Even talking on the phone can cause some introverts social anxiety. This comes from the fact that they like to be in control of the situation, and while on the phone or in front of someone, they feel like they can’t come up with an answer quick enough. Even if they do, they will keep second-guessing themselves.
Having said that, introverts do like to talk about the big questions in life or things that interest them. When it comes to those, they will likely open up about their own opinion, too. However, whoever they talk to needs to be a special someone in their lives. Talking to strangers about the big questions of the universe is almost completely out of question for introverts.
On the other hand, introverts often have penpals, who they might not write to too often, but rest assured that on paper they can have long-winded conversations, debates, and arguments about the topics that interest them. Writing is easier for an introvert, because they have time to think about their answers/arguments, and they can also correct their mistakes without anyone ever noticing. It’s a win-win.
Why Do Introverts Hate Small Talk?
Introverts hate small talk because they feel like it’s a waste of time – both theirs and the other person’s. Talking about the weather seems pointless to them, and so is a conversation about what they had for dinner the night before. They feel like that time could be spent on so many more important things (like talking about climate change, starving children, or the fate of the country).
Introverts are private people, and most of them don’t understand why others would want to talk about mundane and private things like that. They would still listen in on the conversation (but only if they absolutely must), occasionally nodding or humming, to show that they are listening. In truth, they are probably bored and want to talk about more serious subjects – or go on and do their own thing.
Introverts are sometimes too polite, so they wouldn’t tell their chat partner that they don’t want the idle chat.
Conclusion
Introverts might seem to be difficult to talk to at first, but that’s only true for those who don’t know how to ask the right questions. Most introverts don’t like small talk or giving away too much information about themselves, so try avoiding those topics (we know it’s hard).
Focusing on current events, hobbies, books, movies and everything in between could be a good conversation starter, but always remember that an introvert won’t open up to you about anything until they have built enough trust. They hate feeling like whatever they say is being judged by the other person, so try to be impartial.
Sometimes introverts need someone to listen to them, too. And, if you don’t mind, doing it all in writing could well be the key to breaking the ice. That way an introvert has enough time to think about their answers, and they will feel like they are in charge of the conversation, completing it in their own time and pace.
