Broken hearts are not always from fully-fledged relationships. The heartbreaks which hurt the most are often from not getting into a relationship you really wanted to. Situations like these demand special care. You need motivation and guidance to help you get through this tough time. That’s why this article will help you to know how to get over someone you never dated.
The short answer is there is no shortcut way to heal emotional injuries. Just as the clichéd phrase tells us, time does heal all wounds. With time, we gather new experiences in life. And with those experiences, we learn to move on from our past traumas. Read more to get some tips on getting over someone you never dated.
In this article, I have shared that life has taught me to move on from unrequited love. I know how hard it is to get over it. My tips will definitely help you recover quickly. Read them carefully and apply them to your life.
Getting Over Someone You Never Dated
I have compiled 19 tips to help you get over someone you never dated. But these tips are useless if you are not committed to yourself and fiercely determined to move on. I know unrequited love is more painful than people let it on. It’s like losing a beautiful future you have envisioned for yourself, but that’s never going to happen.
I have divided this section into two parts for your ease. The first seven tips are must-dos. To recover, you must follow all of them. The last twelve tips are helpful but not must-dos. Follow them to accelerate the process of healing.
Here are 19 practical tips for you on how to get over someone you never dated-
1. Give Yourself Adequate Time to Heal
Yes, time. The most important and effective solution. Time will help you get through your emotional pain. I know that it hurts you in the heart when you think about the face of the person you loved so much but couldn’t be with. But trust me, just give it some time. The strength of the pain will ebb away slowly.
Time is an important factor here because, with time, we gather new experiences in life. And with experiences, we learn better. We get wiser. We realize why we reacted to a particular event of life so strongly. We also recognize that it was not needed. We wish we knew better.
But don’t blame yourself. As I have told you, it was a phase of life, a phase of learning. Remember that you needed to learn that vital piece of wisdom to be a better and upgraded version of yourself. A “you” one year before the event and a “you” one year after the event are not the same. The latter is definitely the better one.
So give yourself the time to heal. Don’t try to rush into the process of healing. You need that time and effort. Do all you could to be a better version of yourself.
2. Cry Your Heart Out
If you are the type of person who thinks crying is only for women and children, you need to learn better. Crying is for everyone. A long period of good crying and wailing is necessary to release happy hormones such as oxytocin and endorphin.
When your brain can’t take the stress too much, then it pushes you to cry. If you deny yourself the crying, you are inviting severe depression. Do you want that? No. So, if you feel like crying, then just cry your heart out. You should never hold your tears back.
Sometimes under immense stress, we break apart in front of people we love and trust the most. You can find yourself crying in front of your family, best friends, or counselor- which is totally fine.
Reveal your heart to them. They are the ones with you in your arduous journey hard and fast when everyone else tells you that you are too emotional, immature, or whiny. Surround yourself with people who support you the most.
3. Don’t Put All the Blame on Yourself
Don’t blame everything on yourself. It only complicates the situation more and blocks your path to recovery. I will explain what happens when you put such immense pressure on you.
When you hold yourself at fault, you are pressuring yourself more. Remember that you are already under a lot of pressure. Then you are putting more weight on the already mountainous pressure you are already under. It increases the feeling of hopelessness in you and feeds the cycle of depression.
The cycle of depression goes like this-
- Firstly, stress will be triggered by certain factors like unrequited love.
- Secondly, stress starts to affect your physical health causing insomnia, low energy, and appetite.
- Thirdly, behavioral problems like decreased activity and social withdrawal show up.
- Finally, after that, you feel bad about yourself for being too lazy and aloof. Then, you blame yourself. And the cycle starts again from 1.
You have to break this cycle. That’s why stop blaming everything upon you. It will only make you sad and hopeless. And this will be a stress trigger again. After some time, you will have new stress triggers other than unrequited love. And the cycle of depression will be so complex and webbed that it will be too convoluted to get out of.
4. Never Doubt Your Self-worth
Yes, you are worthy of love and happiness. You are worthy of all the things you want in life. Never doubt your self-worth. I know it’s hard not to. You feel like it’s all your fault. But in truth, it’s not.
When you fell in love, you hardly thought about anything else. Your love was so intense and selfless that you never thought of being unrequited. You felt like the person you love will also recognize and appreciate your intensity, passion, and hence, give you a chance to make them happy. The other bleak side never occurred to you.
You think that you are the only fool who feels like that. But that’s not true. Everybody who is passionately in love feels like that. It’s not you. It’s the innate nature of love.
As someone who can love so selflessly, it is definitely worth more than being termed “pathetic” for their true feelings. You are not pathetic because you loved someone. If someone tells you that they are the heartless ones. And it’s time to get them out of your life. They don’t deserve you.
5. Don’t Wait for The One Who Rejected You
As I have told you before, it’s hard to think about the part when you love someone passionately when they reject you. The intensity of your love seems to have a separate life and light within itself. It’s baffling to you when it gets unnoticed. It’s not being self-obsessed. It’s about having trust in your love.
But the truth is- somehow, your love is something the other one doesn’t want. It’s not “you,” they rejected. Perhaps, they just didn’t want to get into a relationship at that time.
Their need for a relationship is not as strong as it is in you. If you impart auras of kindness, love, and loyalty, there is no way they would be irritated or offended by you. But still, they are not coming back to you.
The sooner you accept this difficult reality, the faster you will get better. No matter what you do, they are not coming back to you. Because they don’t return your feelings. You love, in all its glory, deserves someone more willing than and as passionate as you are.
Stop checking their Instagram account sneakily and feeding yourself false hope with every little movement of their social media life. It will only feed your cycle of depression. Love is built on strong feelings, not brittle or confused musings of the mind.
6. Remove Access to Them.
Stopping from feeding yourself false hopes is the first difficult step you have to pass to break the vicious cycle of depression. For this, you need to cut down all the access to them.
I know it’s difficult. Suppose you are in the same school or workplace. Then it’s hard to remove them from your life altogether. Also, it’s not prudent to leave your school or workplace only for them. But do that if it’s possible without disarranging your life too much.
Suppose if you are in the same workplace, search for a new job if it’s possible, and then only leave your current one. If you are in the same school, that option is not open to you.
If it’s impossible to separate yourself from them, then be cordial to them but don’t feed yourself any hope. Their one smile or positive remark doesn’t mean they are coming back to you. If possible, talk to them about your situation.
Don’t obsessively follow them on social media. You don’t need to block them if you are in the same place but don’t linger on their every single post and try to decipher the meaning in them. It will only harm your physical and mental health.
7. Say No To False Hopes.
It’s the first obstacle you need to clear out. Snap out of the daydream of false hopes whenever you find yourself doing it. Your heart has already been broken by someone else, don’t smash it more by your wishful thinking.
Besides, false hopes rerun the cycle of depression. When your false hopes don’t meet your expectations, you become hopeless again. Then, the feeling of hopelessness makes you blame yourself. After that, you hate yourself for living on dreams which will never come true.
In this way, your hopelessness and hatred for yourself become your stress factor. And, a new cycle runs again. So, stopping false hopes solves more than fifty percent of your problem. You will realize how the impossibility of your daydreams once you put a stop to false hopes.
These were the must-dos steps to follow. The steps after these are helpful but don’t pressurize yourself too much for these. I know how emotionally and physically tired you are. It’s okay if you can’t follow the latter ten regularly. But try to follow the first seven ones regularly.
8. Exercise Regularly to Relieve Tension.
Exercise is important not only for physical health but also for mental health. Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in your brain, similar to morphine. But it’s a natural painkiller.
Endorphins reduce pain and increase pleasure. It enhances your sense of well-being. But it’s hard to convince yourself to go to the gym or attend yoga classes when you are depressed. I will tell you what to do-
You should take one step at a time. For example, tell yourself that you will go to the gym for one day, tomorrow or today. After that, you won’t pressurize yourself to do that. Put all your effort into going to the gym for that day. Skip everything else.
I am sure that you will feel happy after the post-exercise release of endorphins. You would want to repeat it the next day. If you find it too difficult, you don’t have to go to the gym. You can do some freehand exercise or run. Running is very useful in fighting depression.
If you have a medical condition such as asthma or heart problems, talk to your doctor for advice on physical exercise. Yoga will be better for you in that case.
9. Follow A Routine As Much As Possible.
Following a routine is important. It will help you feel proud of yourself. Finishing a task releases dopamine- the satisfaction-inducing neurotransmitter. Eating food or indulging in self-care also does that.
Your routine should be simple and achievable tasks devoid of any difficulty. I know how tired and unmotivated you are feeling. That’s why it’s easy, like waking up at a particular time in the morning and trying to sleep at a specific time at night.
It’s hard to sleep when twenty stress factors are running to and for in your head. I will tell you a short technique to fall asleep quickly. To master this technique, practice it for one week without skipping.
Lie down in the supine position without any pillows. Fix your brain in one thought, like counting your breaths or monitoring the rhythms of your heart. Don’t lose your focus when you do snap back again. After twenty minutes or so, you will feel sleepy. Follow this routinely for a good night’s sleep.
10. Try to Write About How You Feel Every Day
It’s not always possible, given how tired you are emotionally and mentally. But try to
do it whenever you can. Writing helps you a lot to realize your feelings and thought
patterns. I will tell you how.
When you think about something toxic or sad, your thoughts are silent tortures to your brain. Writing it down gives it a shape. You understand their meaning better. Deciphering the link from one thought to another becomes easier.
Sometimes writing our thoughts makes us realize how impossible they are. They make us realize that we should take corrective measures to change our thought patterns. But it’s difficult to write them down every day when you are suffering from anxiety and depression. But do this often, if not every day.
11. Do Yoga
Yoga has some proven health benefits. It aligns your physical and mental health in the correct position. Practicing yoga every day maintains adequate blood flow to the brain, hence curbing mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.
But it’s hard to practice yoga every day when you are going through depression. Because of the tiredness depression leaves, you can hardly move out of your bed. Thankfully, there are some yoga poses you can do in your bed too. I will suggest you do Matsyasana for The Fish Pose. This one asana is the ultimate brain health booster.
After some quick warm-ups like cycling your legs in ninety-degree while lying in the supine position, you can do Matsyasana. It’s a beginner’s yoga posture and great for the brain and respiratory health. Here is a tutorial for you.
12. Surround Yourself With Positive People
To be positive and happy, you have to surround yourself with positive and happy people. Toxicity around you makes you more toxic. You can never break out of the web of negativity while surrounded by it. Even positive people lose their aura of happiness when confronted with negativity continuously.
Even in our family and friends, many toxic people ruin our lives with a constant stream of negative thinking. Some of them are so pessimistic that they believe nothing is possible. They live in their world of never-happening and try to drag us into that bleak world too. Cut them out of your lives, if possible.
I know it’s hard. But it’s better if you do it for your own good. Don’t just shut them down. Talk to them at first about how their negative behavior is affecting your mental health. If they don’t change themselves, cut them down from your lives.
13. Read Motivational Books
Books are always your best friends. Always keep a book at your bedside table. If you feel like not getting up, start reading it from the bed. Motivational books can help you in this situation. Some people think self-help and motivational books are fake, but that’s not true. A good motivational book can truly inspire you to be better.
I will suggest you read The Wisdom of a Broken Heart: How to Turn the Pain of a Breakup Into Healing, Insight, and New Love by Susan Piver. It’s a self-help book to relieve the pain of heartbreak. Enriched with Buddhism’s profound philosophy, the book helps you realize your pain and how to gently reduce it with a seven-day retreat.
14. Say Goodbyes to Toxic People.
Cut all the toxic people off from your life. But how to identify toxic people? These people are highly judgmental and not at all compassionate. They have zero empathy. Even if you don’t want to accept it consciously, you don’t want to meet them. Meeting them makes you anxious. You don’t want to face their judgment.
Toxic people are not always innately evil. Some people don’t even understand how harmful they are. Sometimes, pressures and stress in their lives make them toxic. That’s why I suggest you talk with them first.
Make them realize how their words hurt everyone around them. If they don’t take corrective measures, you should save your neck. You are already depressed. You don’t need to invite more stress triggers.
Toxic people don’t understand why falling out of one-sided love takes so much effort. That’s why they try to judge you. But you don’t need their company. Invest your time in supportive and empathetic friends.
15. See a Professional.
Seeing a professional is important if it hurts too much. If you find that following all the steps above are not helping you, then it’s time to see a counselor and do it the right way. Once you consult a counselor, you are in safe hands. They will guide you through your recovery.
There are many online options when you want to see a counselor. There are apps which provide paid service such as these. Just sign up, pay the subscription fees, and talk to a certified counselor.
16. Get a Pet
Studies have shown that people who keep a pet suffer from lower physical and mental ailment rates than people who don’t have a pet. So, if you can take care of one, get a cute puppy or kitten. But the tricky part is if you can take care of one when you are depressed.
But pets become families. The happy aura they bring inside your house casts off the depression and negativity from your place. If you are confident that you can take proper care of the little creature, get one. If you are not sure, visit a friend who has one and play with it every day for some time with the place owner’s permission.
17. See New People Only If You Want To
This is entirely up to you. If you feel like seeing new people can help you get rid of your pain, then do it. But if you feel like this is not the right time for you and you need more time, don’t do it.
Also, people tend to compare the person of their unrequited love and the person they are meeting now. They do it subconsciously, but it is very insulting for the latter.
How would you feel if someone compares you to another person? So, don’t do it. If you unconsciously do it, know you have not entirely healed from your past trauma.
18. Believe in Happy Endings.
Do you really know what the future would be like? No one knows that. Maybe it won’t be as peaceful and loving as you dreamt it to be with the one you loved but who didn’t love you back. Perhaps something better and more peaceful is waiting for you at the other end.
But how to pass the periods of struggle without damaging your life too much in the process? That’s where these powerful tips I have compiled for you to come into action. These tips are based on real-life experiences. They are not merely hypothetical. Follow these tips to sort out this phase of your life quickly.
19. Learn from People Who Had a Similar Experience.
Let me share a story with you. A friend of mine once fell in love with someone he couldn’t be with. She was his colleague. That poor thing was miserable when she rejected him. He even wanted to leave the city. I know he seems too emotional. He was quite young and passionate at that time. And, he liked her too much for his own good.
But I counseled him to look for a new job and then leave the old one. Thankfully, he listened to my advice. At the new job, his colleagues became his best friends. The environment was so warm and welcoming that it helped him move on from his past emotional wound.
After some time, one of his colleagues has introduced him to his sister, who is now my friend’s wife. They are very happy together. After all the bitter moments he has gone through, he got his happy ending at last.
Note: If you look at it inversely, then you will realize the positive effect of the negative event. The emotional wound the last girl had given him has landed him with a great job, loyal friends, and a loving partner. So, if there are struggles in life, then there are moments of happiness too.
So, here comes the end of our blog post on how to get over someone you never dated. Hope I have helped you with my knowledge about the issue. Stay strong. I’m sure with time and a bit of effort on your part, all of your despair will surely wash away. Ending here wishing you good health and happy life. Farewell.