Can you fall in love after falling out of love? When you are deeply and emotionally involved with someone that breaks your heart and forces you to lose the confidence you had in them, you could start to think that it would be impossible for you to love them again. This article will discuss 10 things you can do to help you fall back in love.
Here are 10 tips to help you to fall back in love after falling out of it:
- Make sacrifices for your partner. Doing so will help you to remember that this person is important to you and that love is about sacrifice.
- Spend time together. Dedicate weekends and evenings to doing things that will help you to grow as a couple.
- Communicate well. Communication is effective when you are both able to speak openly and in a calm manner.
- Forgive. Forgiveness is a big hurdle. Without forgiveness, you will not be able to move on as a couple.
- Forget past errors. Make sure the past stays in the past.
- Come up with an action plan. Calmly talk about the things that you need to work on that will help you to strengthen your relationship.
- Stop relationship-destructive behavior. Flirting is a definite no go and you should keep friendships with the opposite sex in their proper place.
- Show your commitment. Talk positively to others about your partner and make an effort to spend time with their family and friends.
- Show gratitude. List the ways your partner has made your life better.
- Remember when you fell in love. Take the time to think about what kindled your love at first as this will help you to keep the spark alive.
Why Do We Fall Out Of Love?
Have you ever felt this way? The person you were once swooning over, that needle in the haystack that you are so glad you found that you were at one time texting 24/7 and calling every spare minute has now turned into the person you’d least like to have contact with throughout the day.
Ok, maybe you haven’t quite reached the point where you are simply loathing your other halves’ presence, but perhaps you do feel like the vibe that you felt between you has disappeared and that the blazing sparks between you have diminished.
Why does this happen? Why is it that at the start of a relationship you can do nothing but sing each other’s praises but with the pass of time you find yourself seething at the sight of your partner and looking for any opportunity to break free and start afresh? Consider some of the following reasons:
You Stop Putting Each Other First
We are all guilty of being a little bit selfish here and there when it comes to relationships, but if you stop making sacrifices all together for your partner then you’ll soon find that you won’t be able to agree on anything.
If a relationship is not built on sacrifice then you will begin drifting apart as you go your own ways in order to fill your needs and get what you please.
You Stop Spending Time Together
It’s important to remember that the thing that brought you together at the beginning of your relationship was the fact that you did everything together. Weekends out, weeknights in, dinners, movies, the lot, you were inseparable.
You cannot expect two strangers to be the best of friends so if you begin to spend less and less time together then you can expect your bond to get weaker.
There’s No End to the Arguments
Another thing that puts a strain on a relationship is fighting. Laying into your other half and reeling off a colorful vocabulary full of insults is something that needs to be avoided for a relationship to last. Of course, every relationship will have its problems, but the constant arguing will make you want to throw in the towel.
But what are all the fights about? More often than not, they are about the following:
- Interactions with the opposite sex.
- How to raise the children.
You Keep Bringing Up Each Other’s Mistakes
Another thing that can really rock the relationship boat is when a partner keeps bringing up past mistakes that you both agreed had been forgiven.
But what’s worse, is to keep having to forgive your partner for the same hurtful mistakes such as:
- Malicious lies.
- Destructive traits such as abuse and alcoholism.
When a partner cheats, the relationship takes a real blow. It is difficult or could be even impossible for the innocent party to forgive an unfaithful partner.
A Lack of Gratitude
Relationships are all about give and take and when we receive something or when our partner goes out of their way to do something for us we should acknowledge that and show that we’re grateful.
Doing kind deeds for others because they are expected from you is not healthy motivation and a relationship that lacks gratitude is not going anywhere.
How To Fall Back In Love After Falling Out Of It
Now that we have identified the things that make a couple drift apart, we must discuss what you can do to get your relationship back on track.
Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship! So looking at this information does not mean that your relationship is doomed for failure, rather, that you are determined to work on it and will be able to come through this tricky patch if both you and your partner are committed to working hard.
What if you can easily pinpoint the flaws in your relationship but are not sure what you can do to break the mold and start moving forward positively? Then take a look at the 10 tips mentioned below that will help you and your partner to rekindle the love you had at first.
1. Make Sacrifices For Your Partner
A relationship is a partnership and both parties have to make sacrifices in order for it to operate well.
How do you feel when you always have to yield to your partner on the following avenues:
- Who’s friends you will spend the weekend with.
- Where you will go on holiday.
- What you will watch at the cinema.
- What kind of takeout you will get for dinner.
Ok, I am sure you will agree that these are not life or death decisions and you are not going to be heading for major relationships problems should you force your partner to watch a movie that they are not too keen or if you choose tonight’s dinner without consulting them.
But you will find that if you don’t learn to consult with your partner on some of the smaller decisions you have to make in life, then it will be trickier for you to remember to include them in some of the bigger and more important decisions.
For example, how would you feel if you had little or no say on the outcome of some of the following decisions?
- Where you will live.
- Changes in career.
- Where your children will go to school.
- Whether or not you will have children.
Now here are some decisions that are worth discussing! But how can you go about making some of these tough decisions as a couple? Take a look at the following steps:
- Let your significant other know in advance that you would like to make some changes and ask to discuss them.
- Take the time out when you are not busy to discuss the changes you would like to make with a list of pros and cons for each decision.
- Patiently listen to one another.
If you have tried the above steps and find that you and your partner are not able to see eye-to-eye about an important manner, then it could be helpful for you both to hold off from making a decision for a couple of weeks while you mull the matter over and see if you can come to an agreement after some careful thought.
If after some time thinking you still cannot come to a unanimous decision, one of you will have to yield. But to make it fair, you should alternate yielding to important decisions if you find you are often at odds about which path you should take in life. That way, both parties will feel like their opinions are being heard.
2. Spend Time Together
Think about the things you do with your friends that bring you closer together. You no doubt spend time with them, eating, chatting, traveling, and the like. Even if you are not able to physically be with a good friend of yours, then you more than likely spend ample time chatting to them on the phone in order to catch up.
So what can you do to keep your relationship with your partner alive? The same things you do with a good friend! Spend time with them, as this will make the bond between you grow stronger.
Try doing some of the following activities together:
- Exercise. Participate weekly in a form of exercise that you both enjoy. Not too keen on sports? Then why not simply try biking, or walking?
- Traveling. Vacations, a day out, road trips, whatever you do, make sure you do it side by side.
- Eat out. There’s no better way to strengthen your bond than with date night for two. No phones allowed!
- Try new hobbies. New experiences will enhance your relationship!
- Work on a project together such as making home improvements.
3. Communicate Well
Shouting, name-calling, and the silent treatment are all detrimental to a relationship. Of course, there is no perfect couple that always gets on and never has any arguments, but there is a right way for you to communicate and express your feelings that will make it easier for you to fall back in love with the person you loved.
What can you do the next time you have a disagreement and feel like you really need to shout about it?
- Take a step back and breathe deeply. If you feel like you can’t speak to your partner right now without exploding, then step away from the situation until you feel calmer.
- Hint! Don’t leave it too long before opening up to your partner about what’s bothering you as the silent treatment gives way for resentment to harbor and is dangerous for a relationship.
- Write down what you want to say and how you feel. Writing things down may help you to organize your thoughts and perhaps see your partner’s point of view in a way you didn’t before.
- Choose a good time to talk. It may be a bad idea for you to start a tricky conversation while your partner is cooking, watching TV, or engaged in some other activity. Choose a time when you are both alone, unoccupied, and can talk freely.
- Listen. Good communication is 50 50, and just as you like it when people take the time out to listen to you, you should also do the same for your partner.
None of us are perfect, so we all have to forgive each other from time to time for the things that we do or say that are harmful to our partner. Perhaps you have no problem forgiving your partner for trivial things such as:
- Forgetting date night.
- Spending money on non-essential items.
- Making small decisions without consulting you.
But it’s a different matter all-together when you have to forgive your partner for the following:
- Embarrassing you in front of your in-laws or friends.
- Forgetting anniversaries or birthdays.
- Making big decisions without consulting you.
Or even worse, when you have to forgive your partner for:
- Gambling problems.
- Alcohol and drug use.
Now, it’s relatively easy to say that you forgive your partner for their shortcomings, but what is truly difficult is showing that you forgive them and not bringing the problem up every time you argue.
Being in a relationship with someone you cannot forgive is like spending each day with something rotten in your pocket. Every time you put your hands in your pockets you are reminded of the awful thing they did to you and every day it gets a little worse.
But how can you know whether you should forgive your partner or not? Answer the following questions that will help you to work out whether you are in a position to forgive right now or not.
- Is your partner sincerely sorry?
- What led your partner down this path?
- How could this be avoided in the future?
- Does your partner take responsibility for their actions?
5. Forget Past Errors
Forgiving comes hand in hand with forgetting. And although you don’t have to literally develop amnesia about a matter to show that you have forgiven someone, there are some things you should avoid doing that will help you to fortify your bond with the person you love.
- Avoid bringing up past mistakes. Leave the past in the past and try to move forward. If you have said that you will no longer talk about a certain incident, stick to that resolve.
- Avoid holding grudges. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person gets sick – you will only do damage to yourself.
- Avoid shifting all of the blame onto one person. Recognize the areas where you could have helped the situation and learn from that.
- Stop looking for occasions to feel resentment. Although a similar problem may present itself in the future, avoid assuming that your partner will react in the same way again. Trust that they have learned from their mistakes and allow them to show you they have.
Forgiving and forgetting problems is not only good for your partner as it will help them to let go of feelings of guilt but it is also beneficial to your health. Studies have shown that acts of forgiveness are good for the following reasons:
- Forgiving lowers your risk of a heart attack.
- Forgiving improves your cholesterol levels, blood pressure, and anxiety.
- Forgiving helps you to get better sleep.
- Forgiving will also help to prevent depression and reduce stress levels.
6. Come Up With An Action Plan
Do you and your significant other feel the same way about your relationship? Do you agree that your relationship needs a little work?
In order for your relationship to keep moving forward and get stronger, then both parties must be committed to making the changes that will help fortify the relationship. Take the time out of your busy schedules to put together a plan that will help you to get back on track.
There is nothing wrong with admitting that your relationship needs help, in fact doing so is healthy, as relationships change as time advances and circumstances change and you need to keep working at a relationship in order for it to continue functioning.
In your relationship action plan, consider including some of the following:
- Schedule more time together. Be determined to spend quality time together, not breaking dates unless a real emergency pops up.
- Spend time together taking part in activities with and without the kids. Doing so will strengthen your children’s bonds with you both as parents. Spending time without them will also allow you time to open up and talk about deeper subjects.
- Surprise one another. Buy gifts and send cards and chocolate as you used to when you first met.
- Take a break from technology. Say no to phone calls and don’t respond to text messages while you are having dinner or are spending quality time together.
- Include one another. Spending the day with your family? Then why not take your partner along with you?
7. Stop Relationship-Destructive Behavior
Ok, so what is relationship-destructive behavior? Healthy and long-lasting relationships thrive on trust, something that is hard to develop if your partner is doing things that are not up building for your relationship.
Here are some relationship-destructive behaviors that couples should avoid:
- Flirting and infidelity.
- Alcohol and drug abuse.
- A critical attitude.
How can you show that you are working hard to stop destructive behaviors?
Flirting and Infidelity
If you are in a committed relationship then you should view flirting as anything but harmless fun. Flirting often leads to infidelity which is the leading cause of most breakups and divorces.
To combat flirting and infidelity try the following suggestions:
- Ignore flirtatious remarks from others and make it clear to your workmates that you are in a committed relationship.
- Don’t spend unnecessary time meeting up with members of the opposite sex without your partner present.
- Stop any relationship-destructive behavior in its tracks.
Alcoholism and Drug Abuse
Alcoholism and drug abuse put a strain on a relationship. It can be difficult for one partner to trust another after the relationship has been damaged by such abuse. Constantly having to show forgiveness can also be emotionally draining.
To combat alcohol and drug abuse you should:
- Seek professional help.
- Value your partner and your relationship and think about the benefits that come with being together and why you want to give up a bad habit.
- Be realistic when setting goals and don’t be discouraged when you have setbacks.
A relationship is a bond based around the interests of two people. If one party is selfish then the whole unit will suffer. Your partner could feel like they are unloved or unappreciated if they are with someone who always puts “me first”.
To combat selfish behavior you should:
- Become a better listener.
- Force yourself to do things for your partner.
- Try looking at things from your partner’s perspective.
- Remember that it’s ok when your partner is in control.
A critical attitude will hurt your mates’ feelings and constant bickering and name-calling are like venom for relationships. How can you combat a critical attitude?
- Force yourself to see the good in your partner.
- Make a list of all of your partner’s good qualities and why you would like to imitate them.
- Try to find out all of the information about a matter before jumping to conclusions.
8. Show Your Commitment
Making an honest, outward display of commitment to a relationship is a great way for you to strengthen the bond between you and your partner. Showing your commitment will also help you to avoid falling into the trap of infidelity and flirting as others will respect your dedication to your relationship.
To show your commitment to your relationship, try the following tips:
- Take a photo of your significant other and your kids into work and place it on your desk.
- Make your partner the background on your phone and desktop at work and speak positively about your partner to your colleagues.
- Wear your wedding or engagement ring at all times, and especially when you are out without your partner.
- Make an effort to form a healthy relationship with your in-laws and spend time with your partners’ friends.
- Plan your future together.
9. Show Gratitude
There are so many things that we can be grateful for throughout the day and some of the more mundane things or the things that we are used to often slip our notice. When was the last time you showed your partner your gratitude?
But before you can show gratitude you have to feel it. Here are just 8 reasons why you can be grateful for your partner:
- Company. Life can be hard if you have to live it alone!
- A shoulder to lean or cry on. Your partner has your back!
- A sense of humor. Does your partner enjoy making you laugh? Then thank them for that!
- Cooking, decorating, fixing the car, whatever practical things they’re good at should be thanked too.
- Raising your children well.
- Taking a personal interest.
- Fidelity. Even if you don’t always see eye to eye, a faithful partner is a keeper.
- Putting up with you and loving you and wanting to work on your relationship.
There are so many reasons why we can be thankful for our partners. Take some time to think about them and keep a list of the things you’re grateful for. When writing a list, be specific and include details about the kind things your partner does for you and when they did them as this will make it easier for you to recall the event back to mind and return the favor.
10. Remember When You Fell In Love
One of the best remedies for a struggling relationship is to spend some time thinking about why you fell in love in the first place and try to rekindle your relationship.
What can you do to reignite the spark you once had?
- Spend time looking at your wedding album together or old photos of you.
- Talk about how you met, your first date, and why you fell in love with one another.
- Listen to the music that was the soundtrack to your relationship.
- Re-watch some of the first movies you saw together and visit restaurants that you liked when you first got together.
- Do some of the sweet things you used to do when you first became a couple such as holding hands, buying each other gifts, and surprising one another.