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Why Does He Keep Lying To Me? Dealing With Liars In A Relationship

In the majority of relationships today, lying is a common problem. The more your partner lies to you, the harder it becomes to trust them again. Not only do you suffer with your lying partner, but so do their family, friends, and coworkers.

There are many reasons why your partner might be lying to you. You might want to consider ‘white lies’, but this will only make the situation worse. With proper identification and communication, you can solve this problem.

The common question here is why does he keep lying to me?. Today, we will be discussing the reasons behind the lies and how to deal with them.

Reasons Why Your Partner Is Lying To You

Lying can bring many hardships to a relationship. But not all lies are equal. Identifying the reasons behind the lies is the most important thing to do. Without understanding the valid reasons, you can’t expect to make things normal.

Here’s some solid reasons why your partner might be lying to you:

He Is A Pathological Liar

This is the most complicated situation to deal with. A pathological liar lies about almost everything, without any reason at all. This doesn’t only put you in a struggling position, but also everyone he interacts with.

This type of lying habit is a personality disorder. People suffering from this problem do not even acknowledge their lies. In fact, they believe that the person accusing them is lying instead.

The only way to prevent it is therapy. Talk to your partner. Confront him about this problem and take him to therapy. You can help him on your own as well. For that, you both need to have a great understanding of each other.

He Did Something He’s Not Comfortable Sharing With You

Sometimes we do things that we’re not really proud of. It doesn’t have to be something bad; it could be anything under the level of our expectations. In those cases, your partner might lie to you.

Maybe he lost his job, and is now doing something that is less evaluated than his previous job. He might be uncomfortable sharing this with you. Or it could be something problematic in his family, which he does not want to share with you because it’s personal and he’s not yet comfortable.

He Is Afraid Of Your Reaction

This one is something more than just being ‘uncomfortable’. Your partner will only be afraid of your reaction if he knows that he’s doing something which you will not like.

In situations like this, he’s not coming clean because he has done something in the past which has disappointed you. And now he’s doing something similar. So, he’s afraid of how you would react after knowing. Which is why he’s being dishonest to you.

This situation is serious. You shouldn’t let your partner get away with it if you find out that he’s been lying. 

He Is Not The Person He Pretended To Be

Sometimes, people just lie because they have already created a fake persona which is not what they truly are. It happens mostly in the first phases of a relationship.

If you are new to this relationship, then your partner might have pretended to be cooler in order to impress you. And now that you’re in a relationship, he can’t get away with the greater or better version of himself that he showed to you before. That’s why he’s lying now.

He Is Probably Cheating On You

Why Does He Keep Lying To Me

Now, I don’t want to freak you out by saying this, but there is a possibility that your partner is constantly lying to you because he is cheating on you.

Although you should not accuse your partner based on your assumptions, if you have enough proof to think your partner might be cheating on you, you should confront him as soon as possible.

Identify Your Partner’s Lies

Although there is no real way to ‘detect’ if a person is lying or not, there are certain psychological behaviors that people usually act according to, while they’re lying. If you are in  doubt, try to pay attention to the way he acts when you think he’s lying.

Body language is a very important thing to pay heed to. Try to see if your partner is itching his nose while lying. While lying, your cells release histamine, which causes allergies and results in itching or sneezing. Sometimes the nose even gets red while lying.

Some studies have also shown that people tend to hide or rub some of their body parts, such as the nose, ears, forehead, etc., while they lie. Pay attention to his body language whenever you feel like he’s lying.

Try to take note of his voice and tones too. People, who are not that good at lying, often stammer while lying. His tone of voice might even shift to a lower or higher pitch than usual. He might also pause for a long time, if he’s making the lie instantly in his mind.

You can also understand whether your partner is lying by focusing more on his words, speech and language. Studies have shown that people use more swear words when they’re lying. He might also be quick to change the topic or use a lot of irrelevant words to shadow the lies.

How To Confront Your Lying Partner?

Confronting your partner about his lies is hard, but figuring out the proper way to confront them is harder still. Since this conversation between you and your partner needs to be done, the sooner you start, the better it is.

You have to keep some important things in mind before confronting them. Otherwise, the situation might turn worse and both of you might get hurt really badly. Dealing with dishonesty

First, try not to be judgmental by saying things like “look what have you done” or “I never expected you to do this”. This is not going to help, but rather is going to cause an ego clash between you two.

Another thing that you should never do is, make up a situation and interrogate someone in order to catch them lying. Or ‘tricking’ him into confessing. This is going to be a huge fail in understanding his problems. Rather, tell him calmly and directly that you know or have a feeling of what’s happening. 

Try to have the conversation as comfortably as possible. Don’t hesitate to let him know that whatever he did was hurtful, but emphasis more on understanding the roots of the problem and what made him choose to lie. In this way, he will feel safer and more understandable.

Once you’ve discussed the entire situation and everything is less awkward, tell him how you felt. Have an honest talk. Tell him what you expect from him in the future and what kind of partner you want to be with.

How To Solve The Problems?

To solve any type of problem in this world, you have to communicate clearly. And then you have to understand every situation. Without understanding and interacting properly, nothing’s ever going to change.

Maybe you can be less angry and more inclusive in your life after confronting him. Try to spend more time together. Try talking about all the little things that happen throughout your day. This will make him do the same. The stronger your communication becomes, the less likely he will lie to you.

If he told you he wouldn’t lie to you again, but still does, you should then just leave him. Because he doesn’t care about how you feel, and this is why he keeps lying to you. Now, if he’s a pathological liar, the situation will be different. Then you would have to be willing to give him more time to recover.

Conclusion

Both of you need to be more understanding and patient with each other. You can’t expect everything to go alright overnight, so being patient is the key. 

Try to be more inclusive in each other’s life. For that, you need to spend more time together. With patience, understanding, and proper communication, you will be able to solve any problems that arise in your relationship. I hope this article on why does he keep lying to me was able to help you out!


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